These Christmas decorations are KILLING YOU! Reindeer, Santas, Jesus; that ain’t your scene! You love the NBA! Your love for the NBA boils over in your heart! You need to spice up your decorations with NBATTITUDE, and BISCUTBALL is here to help!
Look at this tree:
Bulbs, Snowflakes. This tree STINKS. I need some NBATTITUDE! There’s only one solution!
NBA CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT!
First, punch a hole into a card, as I have done with Sarunas here.
THEN, tie a ribbon through the hole!
NOW, hang your NEW ORNAMENT on the tree!
LOOK AT THAT. That’s a tree with WITH REAL NBATTITUDE!
My mom made this snowflake out of tongue depressors, white paint and glitter. It might be a tasteful, homemade wall decoration, perfect for the season, but I am not a tasteful guy who like to park my ass in front of a TV and watch homemade decorations: I like to zone out in front of THE WORLD’S GREATEST ATHLETES competing AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF COMPETITION, with the sort of NBATTITUDE you can only get from the PRESSURE COOKER of the ASSOCIATION. So I decided to SPICE THIS GUY UP!
Yeah, that’s a Wes Unseld Coaching card! I stuck a piece of take to the back, stick side facing towards the room…
...so I could stick it to the snowflake, giving it REAL NBATTITUDE!!!!!! THAT’S A HALL OF FAME SNOWFLAKE, DISHING OUTLETS AND SETTING SCREENS WITH THE BEST OF THEM!
Charming village my family inherited from my grandmother when she passed!? WHO WANTS THAT BULLSHIT!?
YEAH THAT’S ONE CALIENTE (hot) VILLAGE! CAN’T GOVERN THIS CITY, BECAUSE THE RESIDENTS LIVE BY THE CODE OF NBATTITUDE!GO to work!? HELL NO, WE’RE HERE TO DUNK A BASKETBALL! Pay taxes to maintain roads? SHUT UP, LIBS, WE’RE HERE TO CROSS SOME DUDES OVER! ONE TWO BANG BANG, SWISH.
Schools? AINT NOTHING WORTH KNOWING YOU CAN’T LEARN PLAYING BASKETBALL, SO SAYS ME, THE NEW KINGMAYOR, MICHAEL JORDAN.
WELCOME TO BASKETTOWN, WHERE PEOPLE WHO ARE BAD AT BASKETBALL GET THEIR HEADS CHOPPED OFF AND TURNED INTO BASKETBALLS!
Oh, look, picture of me sitting on and standing near various Mall Santas! Probably conjours good memories of my childhood long passed in the hearts and minds of SOME PEOPLE, but NOT ME, MAN. I am just looking at this thing and thinking “GET THAT TUBSTER OUT OF HERE, HE CAN’T EVEN TOUCH RIM, I need to see some guys with real NBATTITUDE to get in the HOOPSMAS SPIRIT!
THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! This shit is making me want to really sit on the ground, so hard that there is an imprint where my butt goes where I can really fucking relax and sit in front of a television and get taken to A ZONE with these NBA Games that are on tomorrow, man! “Corbin, we are opening gifts” GET OUT OF MY FACE OLD LADY, JOHN WALL HAS 12 ASSISTS IN THE THIRD QUARTER!” “Corbin, your grandma needs help with her wheelchair.” “PFFT, WHAT DO I CARE ABOUT THAT, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT LEBRON AND WADE ARE SQUARING OFF FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE LEBRON WENT HOME TO CLEVELAND!?” Corbin we’re all taking a picture together, our whole family, we haven’t spoken in ten years but we decided to bury the hatchet and start the process of healing old wounds, so we can be whole again, and we are taking a picture together to mark the occasion.” WHAT!? FAMILY IS AN ARBITRARY CONCEPT, LADY. YOU KNOW WHAT ISN’T ARBITRARY, THOUGHT, THE CONSTRUCT OF A BASKETBALL GAME, AND THERE’S ONE ON RIGHT NOW, THE LOS. ANGELES. LAKERS AND THE CHICAGO BULLS, YOU EVER HEARD OF THESE HISTORIC TEAMS, AND THIS GAME IS SO IMPORTANT, IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE UNIVERSE, AND I AM NOT LIFTING ONE OUNCE OF MY OWN MEAT OFF OF THIS FLOOR TO WALK OVER TO THE COMMEMORATIVE BANNER YOU ALL MADE TOGETHER AND GET MY PICTURE TAKEN FOR ANYONE, BEACUSE I HAVE TRANSCENDED ALL OF THAT BULLCRAP, I LIVE MY LIFE BY THE PRINCIPLES OF NBATTITUDE NOW AND YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT OR GO OUTSIDE AND SUCK ON A RAW FISH ‘MOM’ OR SHOULD I SAY ‘CLARA’ BECAUSE I KNOW THAT’S YOUR REAL NAME, LADY! AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED BY ONLY PARENT IS THE ASSOCIATION, THEY BROUGHT ME INTO THIS WORLD AND THEY WILL BE AT MY BEDSIDE AS I LEAVE IT, A FATHER, A MOTHER AND A CHILD ALL IN ONE!”