Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Ten Answers to the Question "Will Kevin Love Be Traded?"

1. Yes, to the Cavilers, for Andrew Wiggins, a handful of cap matching contracts, and some other player of relative value, like Deon Waiters or Andrew Bennett or a draft pick from the future. JJ Barrrerrra and/or Kevin Martin might be involved.

2. Yes, to the Warriors, for Klay Thompson and David Lee. JJ Barrera and/or Kevin Martin might be involved. The world will hail this deal as a victory for Klay Thompson, Pure NBA Shooting Guard.

3. No and Kevin Love will leave in free agency at the end of next season.

4. Yes, and Kevin Love will stay after the Timberwolves make the WCF.

5. Donald Sterling's truth telling about the NBA will shatter the league and this will all be irrelevant. He knows where the bodies are buried, and they are real bodies. Adam Silver tore a lot of ACLs to get where he is. All of society will break under the weight of the truths that emerge from the "Sinking Clipper."

6. Sweetie, I don't care. I love you for a for a lot of reasons. You're a tender and attentive lover, you're very reliable and steadfast. But this obsession with basketball is weird and nerdy and a world I just don't relate to. Keep on with it, because it seems to give your mind the kind of fuel it needs to not run of the rails or whatever, but don't involve me, please. This is going to have to scale back when we have children, though.

7. That's Mike Love's son or nephew or something or whatever? Late period Beach Boys are the height of simulacra in music revival. There and not there.

8. Kevin Love would look pretty bad with braids, so I hope not.  Huh? Traded? Oh man, you can justtrade a human being like chattel in the NBA? Sorry, you just said that and it didn't even register as something that made sense, so I talked about braids. Just make a man uproot his life without him havin' any say in it? I know they make a lot of money but isn't objectifying a human being that like weird? Huh? He wants to be traded? Well, then, I guess that's okay, except all these other guys who are gonna get moved around. Just let people pick where they want to play if you ask me.

9. All players play for the same team variations on the same team. The NBA is a desert and team definition is a fight against the nominally of the grains of sand. Timberwolf or not, Kevin Love will always be a Timberwolf because every player is a Timberwolf and a Cav and a Laker and a Heat.

10. Shit, I don't know, ain't nobody know shit about anything, really. Paint our nails, it's the offseason.

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