(CORBIN SMITH, the author of this blog, is at best a C- visual artist, capable of painting a crude yet charming whale or a tree (His friend Charlie once compared his drawings to those of an unsettling child), but not a complicated image that would communicate and idea about something. With this in mind, he now presents a series of images for you to conjure, either in your head or on paper, of the famous basketball player Lebron James, whose free agency has swept the world like a madness.)
Lebron James as a tank, a tank with Lebron's head where the turret and the gun sticking out of his mouth. The body of the tank is exposed, and there are two choices for armor, one with Miami Heat insignia and one with Cleveland Cavilers insignia. Dwyane Wade is standing on the former, Kyrie Irving on the latter. They are dressed like Sargents.
Lebron James in a pastoral setting. He is picking fruit from an orchard. His mind seems far from the free agency hype. The fruit he is picking is tiny little basketballs.
PANEL ONE: Lebron James is digging a hole. PANEL TWO: Lebron James finds two gold nuggets. PANEL THREE: Lebron James continues digging. PANEL FOUR: Lebron James is drowned in black oil. PANEL FIVE: The oil turns into Tim Duncan.
Lebron James looks out of his war dirigible, overlooking a basketball game. He is in full Napoleon regalia. There is a hint of melancholy across his face, but no regrets.
Lebron James is at a dinner party. The host has made basketballs for dinner, and Lebron is trying to subtly feed them to their dog underneath the table because they are overcooked.
Lebron James is a jet stream and all the other NBA players are clouds. Durant is an airplane flying against the wind.
Lebron James standing outside of a mine. He has harvested all of the earth's coal. Death stands above him.
Lebron James dressed as a neon pink grim reaper, chasedowing the layup attempts of children wearing Joy Division t-shirts.
Lebron James leaning on the side of a vegan restaurant, eating a corndog that looks like a basketball.
Lebron James in a family portrait with four Wayne Gretzkies, aged 10, 20, 30, and 40.
Lebron James is the frontman of a Yo La Tengo cover band but they're playing "Big Dipper" by Built to Spill because he doesn't know the difference. In another drawing they're playing "Detroit Has a Skyline."