Monday, September 29, 2014


Once, you bought a rose and planted it in your garden. It grew to be beautiful and large. So beautiful and large, that people came calling; this was a new heirloom rose, a chance genetic mutation that took a venerable plant to a new aesthetic place, and it would need to be replanted in a professional rose garden, somewhere else.

So you make the deal, and you’re left with a garden bed that is a little… hodgepodgey. But then something strange happens; the sun and the water make it all run together. It’s even more beautiful than it was when you had the rose; not that anyone cares anymore. Your gardeners are regarded as geniuses and win awards from Sunset Magazine.

But then something happens. Your hydrangea, a showy multi coloured piece that is one of the main attraction in your garden, get a broken stem. Then, Steph Curry shows up and throws a firecracker in your garden and steals your ground cover. Fans of your garden start moaning. Balance doesn't work for them! They needed a rose! One of your gardeners, so acclaimed not three weeks ago, a big, fat pink slip. The other one leaves for more money than you’re willing to pay. You panic. 

You put a miniature cactus in the garden. That makes sense, right? Tom made it work in his garden, why can't you? You pay WAY too much for a maple even though you already had a maple and your maple was a little smaller, but that meant that your plants didn't lose sun on its account. You hire a new gardener, who seems perpetually put upon and annoyed about gardening in this altitude. Hey, remember that shrub we had a while ago, the one we got rid of for the ground cover? It’s back! Do you see how it makes everything seem like it works, maybe?  The garden can still be good, the gardener says we just need to yank out these weeds! Sure, he said that fern was a weed, but who cares!? Can we get some fertilizer in here? The bamboo tree is all, I’m sure it’s going to FINALLY start working in the garden concept! God, the gardens around here are so nice, how are we going to compete!? All we need to do is tread water and I’m sure… mulch! More mulch! Keep the weeds out! This used to be so easy!

No comments:

Post a Comment