Wednesday, October 1, 2014


BROTHERBALL is now the official In-House philosophy of the Phoenix Suns’ Front office and AMERICA IS PUMPED! Just in the last week, the Suns have united Zoran Dragic with his brother Goron and signed the Morris Twins to TWIN EXTENSIONS (they are different sized twins)! Team chemistry: if you ask the Phoenix suns, there’s no BETTER CHEMISTRY than a FAM-LIONIC BONDS!

But the other members of the Phoenix Suns have brothers, too! What are their lives like? I did some down and dirty reporting to find out!

-Magnus Len, Alex’s Brother, is an HR manager at Evergreen Health Co-op in Maryland. Widely known as the “Tall guy in the office.” A common exchange for him:

“I’ll bet ducking under those door frames is a real pain.”


“But it’s probably worth it, huh!? I sure wish I could dunk!”

“Sure, yeah. It’s great.”

-Eric Bledsoe’s brother, Chip Bledsoe, was drawing a paycheck with the US Government until 2011, when every trace of his existence was erased. He was last seen entering the South American rainforest by canoe; one conspiracy theorist (‘, that’s Chemtrails but his name is Ed.) suggested he was stationed there to protect a weapon of unknowable power: a laser that exclusively destroys love. Unleashing it on a country would plunge them into chaos, for love is the bond on which society is built, even subconsciously. (This is probably not true.)

-David Green, Gerald’s Brother, is a writer for DC Comics. Here is a sample of his work:

Not really my thing. More of an indie comics kinda guy. I’m sure the superhero guys eat it up.

-You already know about Miles Plumlee’s brothers, in both biology and Dookery, Mason and Marshall.

Look at this high grade collection of upstanding citizens. BUT you probably DON’T know about the four Plumlee Brother, currently a Sophomore at the University of Miami, Maximillion Plumee, known to the people of The U Nation as “MaxyMillons the Plumlord.”

Maxy’s style of game is similar to that of his brothers: hard screens, good work on defense, all that fundamental crap. But he has a little bit of extra flair. It’s not unusual to see him take a tech for arguing about a moving screen, or deliver a tiny little crotch thrust after a thunderous dunk. He’s also known for his post game interviews, which often go to strange places:

“I’m just out here trying to get some rim on my hands.” (Maxy winks and makes a fingergun at the same time.)

“These ACC refs are bullcrap. Print that. Bull. Crap. Wait, sorry. Bullshit. I forget which one is a really bad curse word sometimes.”

“The Man-U (Maxy’s nickname for Manu Lecomte) did good for us tonight. Saw him eating an apple before the game. If it’s me, I get an apple tree in my apartment, make that the center of my diet. This guy lives off apple energy. He’s an apple furnace.”

“I’m not saying a bullet, like a bullet from a magnum, would just BOUNCE OFF ME or anything. But I’m is killer shape. I think, shotgun blast from distance, like 50 feet away, I could walk away from that without having to see a doctor, if I had time to flex beforehand. 100 feet away, I could run over and punch the guy, bam, right in the jaw, while he was reloading.”

-Mack Warren, TJ Warren’s brother, is a chemical engineer in Raleigh, North Carolina.

No comments:

Post a Comment