TONIGHT, NBA Star CARMELO ANTHONY debuted a NEW HAT that is TAKING THE NATION BY STORM!
You, a consumer, want this hat. You crave this hat. But you’re not a millionaire athlete who can either buy this masterpiece with your riches or even get someone else to pay you to wear this badboy! So what do you, a poor consumer with a CRAVING for this awesome hat, do?
THAT’S RIGHT, Y’ALL! A brand new AWESOME CARMELO ANTHONY HAT is in YOUR GRASP as long as you follow my EASY EASY EASY STEPS!
First, lay out your supplies. You’re going to need sturdy paper, a pencil for making temporary marks, ribbon, and a bottle of glue!
Then, measure your head, to find out how big the hat is going to need to be!
Glue the pieces together, so it will wrap around your head!
Then, glue the side…
...and make it into a tube!
Set your tube onto another shoot of paper, and glue them together.
THEN, put a little bit of glue on the top of tube…
...and set another piece of paper on top of the tube!
Cut the top paper into a fitting circle.
Then, cut out a hole in the bottom piece!
Use your scissors to form a circular brin at the bottom of your hat!
Cut a piece of ribbon and glue it to the bottom of the hat!
As you can see, you now have a “Very good hat, that many people will enjoy.” But is it Melo’s masterpiece yet? I submit, NO!
So, pull out your watercolor set (Mine was under my bed)
AND GET TO MAKING SOME LIGHT BLUE MAGIC!
Lookin’ Good? Lookin MELLO-W, if you ask me!
Whatever you do, don’t make sure you have a backup hat in case you lose! They’re the Nets! They stink! You’ll win, you’ll have a cool hat, and everything will be fine!
Now, go out there, and talk to those reporters!
EDIT: Kenny Ducey brought the unlit match to my attention, which I somehow forgot to include in the hat. If you squint, you will see that I have rectified that here: