“Stephen Curry Full Highlights 2014.11.25 at Heat - 40 Pts, 7 Assists, 8 Threes, PLAYSTATION Curry!”
Steph Curry drills a lot of three pointers off the dribble. It’s a tremendous magic trick, but is it one the audience is used to? Fans of good screening should turn their eyes to 1:08, when Draymond Green takes out Shabbaz Napier with extreme screen prejudice. I’m not even one review into this project and I am obsessing over screening. I am wildly unqualified to do this.
We’ve seen Steph cover this round already. Is there something he can do to take his off the dribble three point assaults to the next level? May I suggest, and I realize the critic is endevoring to become the artist here, Steph spending a game exclusively taking three pointers a step or two out from the line? Riskier from a “Winning the game” perspective, but it would be an asthetic achievement par excellence.
“PLAYSTATION CURRY” is a silly thing to out in the title, but I am here to review highlights, not marketing.
GRADE: ONE WHALE, it’s a whale and that’s awesome, but you’ve seen a whale before. It’s time to see TWO WHALES, or, god forbid, THREE WHALES from Steph.
“Wesley Matthews Full Highlights 2014.11.26 at Hornets - 28 Pts, 6 threes, SiCK Shooting!”
Workmanlike big night from Wes Matthews, who hits a lot of spot up threes. I watched this game, because it is my eternal curse to watch even the MOST average Trail Blazer games. Mike Rice said that Wes Matthews leads the league in “Three pointers made off an offensive rebound” which is the biggest nothing stat of all time because:
ONE: There’s no way that sample ever gets big enough to be stable year to year.
TWO: It’s completely dependant on his team’s offensive rebounding production, for which he accounts for like 5%.
THREE: Not pace adjusted. Let’s see those “Highest percentage of three pointers made off of the the percentage of possessions where his team got an offensive rebound,” and WE’LL TALK.
The pleasures of Wes Matthews are subtle, for refined pallets only. He makes a nice leg kick at about 1:50. If you can’t appreciate it, you’re a pedant.
GRADE: PRETTY GOOD FINE CAVIAR, FOR ONLY THOSE WITH THE FINEST TASTE IN THE WORLD
Charlotte Hornets guard Brian Roberts lit up the Blazers for the second time this year, pouring in a career-high 24 points in the loss. Unspectacular, aesthetically, a lot of spot up threes and some solid drives to the basketb. The final baskets that take him over the top occur when the game was out of Charlotte’s reach, giving them an air a deep melancholy. Most of his outburst took place in the first half. He gets that look that so-so players get when they’re on the war path, the moment when their innermost basketball soul merges with their physical being and show its face to the world:
Always an unsettling moment, when pure basketball rage flashes to the surface. This highlight package also features Michael Jordan in a black turtleneck.
GRADE: THREE GLOWERING JORDANS
VINE REVIEW: ANDREW WIGGINS SWATS JABARI PARKER
C’mon. Wiggins didn’t do hardly any of the work here. Young gets up the REAL contest and Wiggins cleans up on the weakside. Call me when is is man on man, at the rim two eyes locked, someone has to die here, winner makes the Hall-of-Fame, loser gets shipped out to Europe to spend the rest of his days getting “Where is he now?” articles written about his meager production for PBC Levski Sofia LTD.
GRADE: D-
VINE REVIEW: GERALD GREEN QUICKLY DUNKS OFF AN INBOUNDS
A good Vine, where Gerald Green catches an inbounds pass and reverse dunks at the rim. Aaron Afflalo, a basketball player with dignity, also flails in a vain attempt to disrupt the pass. Someday a player will really figure out hot to guard the inbounds and it will become something people write articles about. On a podcast, Zach Lowe will be all “We know about Dave Basketman’s savant like ability to guard an inbounds,” and you’ll nod, all “Yeah, I always thought that.”
GRADE: B+
Best Plays of the game: Grand Rapids Drive vs. Los Angeles D-Fenders, 11/26/2014
This video is 85% show dunks in an Airplane Hangar.
GRADE: TWO SMALL PILES OF COCAINE
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