THE BISCUTBALL WORLD SERIES PREVIEW, BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BROOKLYN NETS! “BROOKLYN NETS: EVERYBODY WANTS TO WATCH OUR VERY COOL BASKETBALL TEAM!”*
The leaves are falling, the air is crisp, we have accepted the death of summer and that can only mean one thing:
The Iliad. The Dialogues Of Plato. The Four Great Novels of China. They did their best to tell us about the condition of man. But there were merely books, written on paper. BASEBALL is a real life game, played on grass planted into 10 or so feet of dirt that has is sitting on concrete. People read books, which are on a page, in two dimensions, then they have to take the rods and try to build them into something in their brains. But the time this process is over, the experience of all these things is all broke-ass and 10 steps removed from reality.
-The events that inspired something.
-The author’s probable non-presence at these events.
-The author’s inherent gaps in knowledge of these things.
-The author’s inability to express what he is trying to express.
-The inherent limits of language.
-Things drawing the reader’s attention away from the page.
-Things the reader doesn’t understand.
-Things the reader only half understands.
-The syrupy muddle of the reader’s mind, submerging the work and making it into merely a part of their own life.
People EXPERIENCE baseball, in three dimensions. You’re THERE, something is HAPPENING, it’s a LIFE EXPERIENCE. If reading a book is ten steps removed, watching the Old Ballgame is, at most, one step away. And if you watch it on TV, it’s only four steps away. (Events, Cameras, Editing, the added context of Announcers mudding the experience.)
This year’s PRIME BASEBALL EXPERIENCE is among the primest of all prime baseball experiences. The San Francisco Giants, a team of destiny twice in recency and the Kansas City Royals, walking into the promised land after 29 years in the desert, a thirsty man looking for one drink at the wellspring of victory, with only one person standing in their way who they seek to murder with a broken bottle, both teams rising up from the ashes of the play in Wild Card game, knifing opponents who reasonable men, driven by logic and math, said were “Better baseball teams” and dropping their bodies into crocodile filled swamps as a sacrifice to their Heathen Lizard Gods. They now stare only at each other, eyes fixed at the neck, their clubs and speeding projectiles and nerve and will to succeed the only things at their disposal to lift the 30 Flagg-ed trophy above their heads in triumph.
They are led by their aces, the ACE OF SHIELDS, JAMES “THE WILD MAN OF THE KANSAS PLAINS” SHIELDS
WARNING: NASTY STUFF AHEAD
NASTY NASTY NASTY
And the ACE OF BUM GARDENS, MADISON “SINGLE DROP OF DEW ON A BLADE OF GRASS” BUMGARNER
WARNING: SERENE STUFF, IN TOUCH WITH THE UNIVERSE AHEAD
GENTLE GENTLE GENTLE LIKE A VOLCANO IN THE OCEAN
The great thing about baseball is that you never know what is going to happen. Here is a picture of the end of a bat...
...and here is a picture of a baseball…
...as you can see, they are both round objects. And when one round object, with infinite points of contact hits another round objects with infinite points of contact, flying in crazy curves because spin and air resistance makes it float in all kinds of kooky directions, there are infinity squared possible results of its flight direction. Nobody is in control of anything that happens in a baseball game. It’s like a thundercloud brought to earth, with molecules smashing into each other and occasionally making thunder and blowing up a grain silo. This is what makes it the best game.
SO ENJOY THE WORLD SERIES! Anything can happen and it’s better than books!